


Snippet from Lockdown

by brightraven14



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Banter, Covid-19 Related, Cravings, Dialogue-Only, Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Haircuts, Implied Sexual Content, Love in the time of lockdown, Pregnancy, Protective Draco Malfoy, Romance, Snark, Tags Contain Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:21:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24394207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brightraven14/pseuds/brightraven14
Summary: An all-dialogue glimpse into the lives of two people shouldering their way through quarantine whilst a pandemic rages on outside. Troublesome trials lay ahead.Or, a story in which a witch just wants to give her wizard a haircut.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Draco Malfoy
Comments: 4
Kudos: 116





	Snippet from Lockdown

**Author's Note:**

> Odd that I couldn't think of anything to write about lockdown whilst it was still happening in Australia. Now that it's getting lifted, just wanted to get something light and fluffy out there to help bolster my hope that this will work out :)

“No, absolutely not.”

“It’s been weeks. You knew this would happen sometime, and you’ve put it off long enough.”

“I’ll just scrounge up one of the thousands of elastics hiding around this place. I reckon the couch is housing at least thirty.”

“I think we both know you’re too terrified of looking more like your father to do that. You nearly had a stroke when you realised you accidentally bought the same set of robes last week.”

“Yes, well, I think I still prefer it to the alternative.”

“I’ve done this before, you know.”

“I do know. Precisely why I’m not too keen on earning a place in your portfolio.”

“Harry never once complained.”

“And the mystery of how he defeated the Dark Lord is sorted. Took one look at that hack job and tossed off.”

“Oh, grow up. What are you so afraid of?”

“What _isn’t_ there to be afraid of? You could stab me in the eye or the neck. Or both. _Or_ you could mangle my fade.”

“You don’t even _have_ a fade anymore. It’s all grown over.”

“Maybe that’s just how I like it now.”

“Rubbish. You detest having a hot neck.”

“A man’s mind can change.”

“True, but yours can’t.”

“You wound me. I changed for you, didn’t I?”

“That was just the price of getting in my knickers. Also, flattery will get you nowhere.”

“Oh, I think it got me everywhere.”

“Hey, keep your grubby hands to yourself. Stop trying to distract me.”

“But my way is so much more satisfying.”

“Good luck getting anything _close_ to your way looking like that.”

“So you’re withholding now?”

“I didn’t sign up to fuck your father. And I knew how horrid that mental image was _without_ you making that face. Or that gesture.”

“I loathe you.”

“Shall I call Theo, then? You know he’s been _longing_ to give you a makeover.”

“You’re evil, I swear.”

“Positively malicious, I promise. Get in the chair.”

“Is this how you set all your clients at ease?”

“No, normally I offer them that thing I can do with my tongue if they behave.”

“Ah, a happy ending salon. Should I be jealous?”

“Assuredly, seeing as you’ve done nothing thus far to warrant a reward.”

“If I cooperate, will you promise not to butcher it?”

“Even if I did, it’s not like your partners will be able to tell through a Floo call.”

“That is _so_ not reassuring.”

“I promise to make you look utterly shaggable again, which is as much for my benefit as it is yours.”

“That is only mildly reassuring.”

“Take what you can get.”

“What I’ll get is the tongue thing.”

“Only if you turn around and shut up.”

“Fuck! That’s cold. You couldn’t have warmed the water first?”

“It’s better if it’s done cold.”

“I thought that’s only what they say about revenge.”

“Potato, potato.”

…

“Is this about last week?”

“Would I really be so petty?”

“…Yes.”

“I told you, I wasn’t mad.”

“Yeah, and it only took me two of those to realise you were—don’t you think that’s a wee bit high?”

“Not at all. I’m still on an eight.”

“Just remember that you’ll need to—”

“This is my salon.”

“Merlin, woman. Warn me before you pop the guard off, will you?”

“Just decided to do the line a bit early.”

“I’m sorry, alright? I know I didn’t get what he asked for.”

“Again, I wasn’t mad. Head down.”

“Fine, you weren’t then, but you are now.”

“No, I’m peachy. Can’t you tell?”

“I should have gone somewhere else. I’m sorry. Which one is that, now?”

“A four.”

“Alright. Do your worst.”

“Now that’s just insulting. I’ve never done less than my best in my life.”

“I still think Potter circa 1998 would support an argument to the contrary. Ouch!”

“Amazing, how shears can become abbreviated brass knuckles once you turn them around. Or whatever metal these are made of.”

“You’re a menace. Also, likely stainless steel.”

“Doesn’t have as good a ring to it. Face forward.”

“Done with the back already?”

“No, I just like increasing your anxiety by letting you watch me work.”

“How many times must I apologise?”

“None. I’m not mad.”

“Is he, though?”

“A little. I thought I told you to face forward.”

“Let me talk to him.”

“He’s cross with you. A genuine apology mightn’t be enough.”

“I’ll just need to try harder then. Bring him here.”

“Fine. I’ll get to working on your fringe whilst I’m over here.”

“Hi, in there—”

“He has a name.”

“This is my apology.”

“Yes, and right now I’m in control of your two most prized possessions.”

“Fine. Hi, Scorp. I’m awfully sorry about last week.”

“You’ll have to be more specific. You fucked up quite a lot last week.”

“I thought we were trying not to swear in front of him.”

“Between the two of us, it’s a lost cause.”

“Could I get back to my grovelling, please?”

“Whatever. Just tilt your head back a little first.”

“This angle isn’t exactly conducive to—fine, fine. Anyway, I’m sorry I couldn’t get what you asked for—”

“Couldn't?”

“Didn’t. I should have checked another shop in Diagon but I was in a rush. I didn’t think it would be this big of a deal.”

“You could have just let me go.”

“Not a fucking chance, Granger. Don’t start this up again.”

“I’d wear a mask _and_ use a Bubble-Head Charm—”

“No.”

“It’s not like you going out is all that different.”

“Except I do everything but cremate my clothes and the outer layers of my skin before I come within two metres of you.”

“I could do that too.”

“No, it’s not worth the risk. Don’t roll your eyes at me; you know I’m right.”

“Just look forward again.”

“Doing the back again?”

“Yeah. Planning a twelve along the top rim, and a two on the bottom third.”

“Just tell me when I can breathe again.”

“Outside? Not for another few months, I’d reckon.”

“Cheeky.”

“Pass me the comb, would you?”

“Did he accept my apology?”

“He’s still mulling it over.”

“Anything I can do to sweeten the deal?”

“Sweet isn’t the issue. We’re lacking the sour over here.”

“I promise I’ll go look for them again tomorrow.”

“He likes that idea.”

“I’m sure he does. All done?”

“Just about.”

“Are you using my kabuki brush?”

“Yes. It’s multi-purposed. Nothing gets the clippings off your neck as well.”

“Just make sure you clean it. And spin me around, will you? Better get a head start on my impending humiliation.”

“A simple ‘thank you’ would’ve sufficed.”

“Sweet fucking Salazar.”

“No, just Hermione.”

“You did this?”

“I didn’t see anyone else come in.”

“How did you learn how to do this?”

“Well, um…I’ve just felt pretty useless lately, since you won’t let me help—”

“Hermione, if you got sick—”

“I know, I know, you’ve told me a thousand times. Doesn’t make me feel any less unproductive, though.”

“And, the sudden barber skills?”

“A Ministry-imposed lockdown will do that to a person. I can only do so much remote work per day, and I knew you’d mope for at least a year if I mucked this up. So, I ordered a bunch of head mannequins and watched a shit load of YouTube tutorials.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“Well, it’s like I said. I always do my best.”

“I’ve never been happier to admit when I’m wrong. Come here, witch.”

“I doubt I can fit on your lap like this, especially in that chair.”

“Nonsense, I’ve got you. Hop on.”

“You look decidedly uncomfortable.”

“Well, either he’s kicking me in the leg or your arse has become noticeably more bony in the last month.”

“Not my fault he’s eating up my fat reserves. In fact, it’s mostly your fault for refusing to feed me.”

“Spare me the dramatics, darling. Those are my department.”

“Hold on. I missed this one part at the front.”

“Careful! You nearly fell off.”

“Serves me right for leaving the shears so far away. Hold still for just a – done. Now you’re perfect.”

“I was always perfect.”

“Just not when you do the biweekly shop.”

“Hermione, I will get Scorp the pickles he asked for tomorrow. I promise. I’ll go to every shop in Diagon _and_ Hogsmeade if I have to.”

“Not the hot ones, remember—”

“Yes, darling. I know spicy foods can sometimes induce labour.”

“Some Nutella would be lovely, too.”

“Is this for you or him?”

“Oh, him, of course. The baby loves chocolate.”

“Mmm…wonder who he got that from?”

“Your mother always did say the Malfoy genes are strong.”

“She’s a wise woman.”

“Not sure you inherited that. Scorpius is lucky he’ll be half me.”

“He doesn’t know how lucky he is.”

“But you do?”

“I learn a little more every day.”

“Not too many normal ones left.”

“Normal what? Days? There hasn’t been a normal day since before New Year’s.”

“But we’ve only about eighteen before they really go to shit.”

“Yeah, but we’ll never be bored again.”

“I’ve not been bored.”

“My hair begs to differ. As do the horribly mangled mannequins likely stashed in the hall cupboard.”

“Fine, I’ve been a wee bit bored. But also, hungry.”

“I plan on rectifying both issues in due course. I know it’s a crap time; we couldn’t have planned this worse if we’d tried—”

“We did try. Quite hard and repeatedly.”

“Shut up, smart arse. And I’m sorry we _both_ tried our best on that front. Maybe if we’d slacked a little the spawn could have trotted along next year.”

“You know how much I hate slacking.”

“I do. That’s why we started as soon as we both decided, and not a second later. We’ll figure this out.”

“I know we will. Just let me help a little more, please?”

“It’s too risky for you to—”

“I don’t need to go out to be useful. If this salon was anything to go by, I can find work indoors.”

“Just…don’t overdo it, alright?”

“Of course not.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. And, you were right.”

“Sweet Merlin, that’s one for the books. About what, though? Just so I can categorise this phenomenon correctly.”

“Scorp really doesn’t know how lucky he is.”

“Good thing he’s only got about eighteen days until he can start figuring it out.”


End file.
